Assistance for Single Mothers

Single mom’s often spend time wondering if they could be providing more for their children in a two parent home. Even if being a single mom was a personal choice and not the result of a break-up or divorce, the thoughts can still creep up on you from time to time.

Rest assured, those feelings are normal and the sign of a caring, concerned parent. We want what’s best for our children at all times, in all ways, –the best education, the best friends, the best resources for development, and the best home life.

Keeping these thoughts on the forefront will help to keep us in check and make smart choices for our children, –but as a single mom, I have to warn against letting these feelings get the best of you.

I remember when it first crept up on me. Father’s day was coming up. My daughter attended a small, Christian school where I was a staff member. In honor of the holiday, the school was holding a “daddy/daughter” bowling outing.

Now, I’m not in charge of the decision making processes of others, so I really don’t know why it was daddy/daughter only.

Why weren’t the sons involved as well? Who knows, –and the answer to that question is really irrelevant.

The important thing is the fact that as a mother, I witnessed my daughter being excluded from a fun event, –an event her best friend was attending. I felt helpless. In my mind, I imagined a huge amount of hurt and rejection on my daughter’s part. In reality, she wasn’t as dramatic as I was.

The Guilty “Yes” Begins

Shortly after that event, I found myself saying yes to things I normally wouldn’t. We were on a tight budget during those early years of my daughter’s life, and I was also a pretty strict parent. Suddenly, I felt myself morphing into this person who was behaving very strangely at best.

I bought her some things “just because” and I said yes to a few outings and events I normally would have questioned more thoroughly. I know, it doesn’t sound like the end of the world, but after a few weeks of this behavior I sat down and assessed myself.

I realized that every time she asked me for a favor, permission to do something, to buy something, or to grant her a reprieve from her chores, my mind immediately revisited the daddy/daughter bowling day. I would think to myself, “Oh my, poor thing.

Of course she doesn’t have to do the dishes tonight. Of course she can watch that questionable television show.” It was the equivalent to a woman saying yes to eating an entire half-gallon of ice cream after being jilted by a love gone wrong.

I was, in a sense, trying to “comfort away” any hurt she may be feeling.

What’s the Answer to Guilty Parenting?

Of course there’s only one answer, and that would be to catch yourself and stop. There’s a lot of peer pressure among single mom’s to overcompensate, especially with material possessions, but trust me, it won’t work out in your favor.

I caught myself and returned to (sanity) our normal routine, which included chores, regulated television viewing, and of course, –plenty of love. Children need boundaries and rules. It helps them to feel secure. Lifting the rules and boundaries to make up for possible hurt feelings is not smart.

As an added bonus, my daughter is now 18. Recently she was discussing a friend of hers who doesn’t seem to appreciate her parents, her home, her laptop, car, etc. My daughter’s conclusion and “summarizing statement” to this was priceless.

She said, “I’m glad we didn’t have that much and you always kept us in line. Now that I’m older, I really appreciate things. I don’t expect them.”

As a single mom, that was music to my ears.

How do you feel about guilty parenting? Have you ever found yourself in the midst of it?

Leave a comment and tell us about it!

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