proud momWe can all sit and list all of the reasons why being a single mom isn’t what we would prefer, but that’s not the way to go about life. Instead, we need to take comfort in all the positives of life.

As a single mom, there are many reasons why it’s better than having to deal with being married, especially to someone we can’t stand. Let’s list some of the reasons in this top 10 reasons why being a single mom rocks.

The Top Ten List of Positive Aspects of Being a Single Mom

  1. If I don’t feel like putting the dishes away after dinner, I don’t have to do it.
  2.  If the children want cereal for dinner, no one has to know but us.
  3. I don’t have to worry about the children listening to me argue with their father, yet again.
  4.  I can focus on being a good mother, rather than repairing a deteriorating marriage.
  5. I can decide to read my favorite book instead of mopping the floors.
  6. I get to decide how to run my household, which is in the best interest of my children.
  7. I don’t have to report to anyone why I spent $5 at the local coffee shop.
  8. I decorate my home in the way that I want it to look.
  9.  I see my family as often as I want to without consulting with anyone.
  10. I watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want.

Being Grateful for Your Life with Your Kids

Take a minute to think of all things you are grateful for as a single mother. If you’re divorced, you may miss the unity of parenthood. However, as you know from your experience, a united parent isn’t always the best parenting, especially when you are arguing more than laughing.

If you’ve never been married, that doesn’t mean you don’t have as many positives as someone who’s been through the grueling nightmare of living in a unhappy marriage. Think about all the things that you couldn’t do that you love to do for yourself if you did have someone by your side all the time.

Remember, when you live with someone else, or care for children together in the same house, disagreements abound. It’s typical because of your wanting to do things your way and not being able to do them when having to consider someone else and your dedication to him.

So list everything you love to do that you may not be able to do if you had a husband or even a live-in boyfriend. It may take you a few days as you see yourself going through each day, so let this exercise by one you do over time.

This exercise is one that will help you stay connected to your life in a good way. Everyone can always think of reasons why they should be unhappy with their life, but not enough people think of all the reasons why they should be happy.

Don’t think there are any reasons?

There are always reasons to be happy – you just have to train yourself to see them.

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parenting guiltSingle mom’s often spend time wondering if they could be providing more for their children in a two parent home. Even if being a single mom was a personal choice and not the result of a break-up or divorce, the thoughts can still creep up on you from time to time.

Rest assured, those feelings are normal and the sign of a caring, concerned parent. We want what’s best for our children at all times, in all ways, –the best education, the best friends, the best resources for development, and the best home life.

Keeping these thoughts on the forefront will help to keep us in check and make smart choices for our children, –but as a single mom, I have to warn against letting these feelings get the best of you.

I remember when it first crept up on me. Father’s day was coming up. My daughter attended a small, Christian school where I was a staff member. In honor of the holiday, the school was holding a “daddy/daughter” bowling outing.

Now, I’m not in charge of the decision making processes of others, so I really don’t know why it was daddy/daughter only.

Why weren’t the sons involved as well? Who knows, –and the answer to that question is really irrelevant.

The important thing is the fact that as a mother, I witnessed my daughter being excluded from a fun event, –an event her best friend was attending. I felt helpless. In my mind, I imagined a huge amount of hurt and rejection on my daughter’s part. In reality, she wasn’t as dramatic as I was.

The Guilty “Yes” Begins

Shortly after that event, I found myself saying yes to things I normally wouldn’t. We were on a tight budget during those early years of my daughter’s life, and I was also a pretty strict parent. Suddenly, I felt myself morphing into this person who was behaving very strangely at best.

I bought her some things “just because” and I said yes to a few outings and events I normally would have questioned more thoroughly. I know, it doesn’t sound like the end of the world, but after a few weeks of this behavior I sat down and assessed myself.

I realized that every time she asked me for a favor, permission to do something, to buy something, or to grant her a reprieve from her chores, my mind immediately revisited the daddy/daughter bowling day. I would think to myself, “Oh my, poor thing.

Of course she doesn’t have to do the dishes tonight. Of course she can watch that questionable television show.” It was the equivalent to a woman saying yes to eating an entire half-gallon of ice cream after being jilted by a love gone wrong.

I was, in a sense, trying to “comfort away” any hurt she may be feeling.

What’s the Answer to Guilty Parenting?

Of course there’s only one answer, and that would be to catch yourself and stop. There’s a lot of peer pressure among single mom’s to overcompensate, especially with material possessions, but trust me, it won’t work out in your favor.

I caught myself and returned to (sanity) our normal routine, which included chores, regulated television viewing, and of course, –plenty of love. Children need boundaries and rules. It helps them to feel secure. Lifting the rules and boundaries to make up for possible hurt feelings is not smart.

As an added bonus, my daughter is now 18. Recently she was discussing a friend of hers who doesn’t seem to appreciate her parents, her home, her laptop, car, etc. My daughter’s conclusion and “summarizing statement” to this was priceless.

She said, “I’m glad we didn’t have that much and you always kept us in line. Now that I’m older, I really appreciate things. I don’t expect them.”

As a single mom, that was music to my ears.

How do you feel about guilty parenting? Have you ever found yourself in the midst of it?

Leave a comment and tell us about it!

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Saving moneyDuring some months, it can be almost impossible to make it without having to use a credit card to pay for groceries or bills.

With a credit card racking up fast, it can produce overwhelming feelings that make you want to scream and cry.

Providing for Your Children While Saving Money

One of the things you want for your children is to be able to provide for them. For this reason, it’s important to learn some new tricks to saving money as a single mother.

  1. Use coupons from the newspaper and online and compare the ones you have with the sales flyer. Use your coupons to decide what you will make for meals the coming week. It will keep your meals different each week and you’ll save money by not buying groceries full price.
  2.  Contact the local churches in the area about food banks. Many times, all you have to do is show proof of your income and you’ll receive a bag of groceries you can use for the week.
  3.  Talk to social services about food stamps. If you have young children, you may be eligible for WIC as well. If you didn’t qualify at one time, don’t discount it now, especially if your income has changed.
  4. Ask social services about assistance with heating and cooling bills. Many times, they have programs for low-income families to have their bill paid off in full.
  5. Contact your electric company to ask if they have a budget plan for billing. This helps you budget better because they will charge you the same amount each month, which is the average amount you paid the year before. At the end of the year, if you spent less money on heating and cooling, you’ll receive money back. It’s a nice surprise!
  6. For diapers, formula and other baby items, check the Internet for specials. Many websites will have specials in which you can receive these items at a reduced cost with free shipping. The website, Pricegrabber, is a good one to try to find the lowest prices for products.
  7. Holidays can be expensive, especially birthdays and Christmas. Instead of waiting until the last minute when everything is overpriced, shop throughout the year and buy items your child want on sale or clearance.
  8. Search clearance racks for clothes and buy sizes larger than what they wear now. That way, you buy clothes for much less money and have them ready for later, which may be a penny-pinching time.
  9. Call your cable company, Internet provider, cell phone carrier and any other utility company you have to ask if there are any specials you are eligible for to reduce your monthly bill. Many times, they can come up with a plan that is much lower and still provides you with what you need.
  10.  Call your credit card company to ask if they can reduce your interest rate. This will help you pay more on your principal so you can eventually pay it off or at least make your minimum payment affordable. Also, ask if they have a rewards card so you can make some money off what you charge.

As a single mother, you can probably come up with more tips on how to save money.

Please share your tips with other moms who come by this site for help.

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child custodyWhen a couple with a child divorce, the first thing the parents think about is who will receive custody of the children.

It’s a heart breaking and anxiety-ridden experience to go through, especially when both parents are fit to have custody and both want it.

Types of Child Custody

There are eight types of custody:

  • Alternating custody – The child lives an extended time with one parent and then another extended time with the other parent.
  • Shared/Joint custody – Both parents have legal rights to the child and the child lives in one parent’s house as much as the other parent’s house.
  • Sole custody – When only one parent has legal custody of the child.
  • Split custody – When there is more than one child, on parent has custody over one child and the other parent has custody over the other.
  • Third-party custody – When someone else, a third party, has custody of the child.
  • Residential custody – The person with residential custody has the child live with him or her. It’s usually the same person with legal custody, but it can be used in joint custody cases.

How Custody is Determined

Each state has its own assessment to determine which parent can provide the best home to children of a divorce. Most of the time, the parents come to a decision before allowing the court to do so.

However, for parents who can’t come to a decision, the court will make one for them. In this case, the judge will decide what is in the best interest of the child and will sometimes ask the child for his or her thoughts.

How to Make the Best of Joint Custody

No one wants to share his or her children. It’s the only way though when you get a divorce and you are awarded joint custody.

The best thing to do is to keep in mind that you are as much the child’s parent as your ex is a parent. This will help you understand why you must be without your child sometimes.

When your child is away at his other parent’s house, stay as busy as possible. This will help the time go by quickly and keep your mind off thinking about how much you miss your child.

You can also plan activities for when your child comes home. This will get you excited about your child’s return, which will also make the time go by quickly.

Keep a list of things to do when your child is around that you wish you could do but can’t because you have your child.

When he or she is with the other parent, consult your list and you’ll be free to do those things. It’s as if you have a built-in babysitter and can get a break.

It’s a Situation to Get Used To

It’s not easy to have your child with you all the time to having him or her gone for days, but it’s not something you can’t get accustomed to.

While it may be difficult at first, after you get through the separation a few times, you’ll start to adjust and it will become a normal part of your new life.

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