Starting to date again after a bad break up or divorce is challenging enough for those without children, but when children are involved this is an even more complex process.
Many women feel they don’t want to introduce a new man to the children because he may leave and the children have attached, or they are concerned about other safety matters.
You know your family best and can make the best decisions, however be aware that eventually you will need to introduce the new man to your children.
Having Baggage
Single mothers often feel that they will be second choice in the dating world because they have children and with children come the aforementioned baggage and depending upon the children lots of additional issues can arise as well, however this is not always the case.
Many wonderful relationships have come from organizations such as Parents Without Partners, which is a group for single parents to offer support to each other.
Making the Introduction
When you feel the relationship is serious you will need to introduce the man to the children and this is a process that should be handled delicately, explain to the children that this man isn’t replacing their father and that you want them to feel comfortable.
Finding Activities
It is also helpful if the man helps with the explanations of these things. Find an activity the children like to do and use that as a way of introducing the new man. Do the kids like to bowl? Have him meet you all at the bowling alley.
Children need to know that they have a say: It doesn’t have to be the final say, but it is important for the children to feel they get a voice in what goes on in the family. After the outing ask the children what they thought of the new man and how they’d feel about him spending more time with the family.
Spend some alone time with the new man: Spend some alone time with him after you’ve had the alone time with the kids and get his feedback about your kids and how he felt things went. Then discuss with him what the children said and how you are both feeling about it.
Make plans to do it again: Children will have an adjustment period so if they felt things went badly, and even if they felt things went well continue the introduction process with other fun activities.
Talk to other single moms: Talking to other single moms is a great way to find out what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to introducing new men to the lives of the children, and new children to men.
Remember to take care of yourself: Don’t get wrapped up in drama within the family or the romance, make sure you take time to care for yourself. If you don’t take the time to care for yourself no one else will do it and you will not be much good to anyone.
Dating again as a single mom can be scary, but it can also be a wonderful experience.
When you take steps to make sure that everyone is adjusting to the experience you get better results, and maybe you can even meet up at a Parents Without Partners meeting and find someone with kids that can hang out with your kids… you just never know where life will take you, make sure that you are well prepared for the trip.
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